Friday, October 24, 2008

Two Weeks in Australia: a trip told in lists

LIST ONE: FLIGHTS

I took the following flights during the two weeks that made up my trip:
  • Madison to St Louis
  • St Louis to Los Angeles
  • Los Angeles to Sydney*
  • Sydney to Brisbane
  • Brisbane to Sydney*
  • Sydney to Los Angeles
  • Los Angeles to Dallas*
  • Dallas to Madison
Running total: 8 flights

An asterisk (*) indicates a flight in which there was a crying baby.

Related note:  I used to like flying.


LIST TWO: MOVIES

I watched the following bad movie while in transit via airplane:
  • The Happening
I watched the following mediocre movie while in transit via airplane:
  • Hancock
I watched the following good movie while in transit via airplane:
  • Speed Racer
I don't exactly believe it either.


LIST THREE: GO OZ

Here is a partial list of things Australia does better than the States:
  • Public transportation
  • Toilets
  • Bacon (!)
  • Food in general
  • Chocolate
  • The level of dress among the general populace, flipflops and sandals notwithstanding
  • Ovens
  • Currency
  • Radio personalities (Hamish and Andy are actually pretty funny)
  • Spectrum of popular music
  • Outlook on life
  • Slang

LIST FOUR: GO YANKS

Here is a partial list of things the States do better than Australia:
  • Price tags
  • Coffee
  • Soda
  • Hamburgers
  • Cheese
  • Highways
  • The availability of garbage cans
  • Baby carrots
  • Incorporation of the indiginous people (although to be honest the US has a ways to go as well)
  • Keeping a lid on Kings of Leon
  • Black people
  • Volume

LIST FIVE: KFC?

I observed the existence of following the fast food chains during my stay in Australia:
  • McDonald's
  • Subway
  • Hungry Jacks (Burger King)
  • KFC

It should be noted that KFCs are more popular than they are in the States.  Australians are absolutely crazy about KFC, comparatively speaking.

Soul-crushingly absent:
  • Taco Bell

LIST INTERMISSION:

I had the following conversation many times while in Australia.

Aussie: So where are you from?
Me: The States.
Aussie: Yeah, but which state?
Me: Wisconsin.
Aussie: ...uh...
Me: Dairy state.
Aussie:  ...erm...
Me: Midwest, right under Canada.
Aussie: Oh, right!  wisconsin!
Me: Yeah, Wisconsin.


END INTERMISSION

LIST SIX: UNIQUE OZ EXPERIENCES

Things I did in Australia that I couldn't do in Wisconsin:
  • Coughed salt water out of my nose
  • Ate a meat pie
  • Paid four dollars for a dixie cup of black coffee
  • Encouraged overeating in kangaroos
  • Been mistaken for a member of a surfing gang
  • Taken a ferry back after a couple drinks at a pub
  • Drank a little too much beneath the Sydney Opera House
  • Drew sideways glances from passing pedestrians everytime I opened my mouth
  • Earned free drinks on accent alone
  • Started the day with fresh caught shrimp
  • Real Aussie Tucker
  • Saw a beatific Steve Irwin statue
  • Purchased candy branded with blackface imagery
  • Slept with the windows open in October
  • Consumed sushi travelling via conveyor belt
  • Heard MGMT in a grocery store
  • Visited locations with names like Wagga Wagga and Mooloolaba
  • Got harrassed by a two-foot tall bird in a mall food court
  • Turned away paper-waving activists with the explanation that "I'm about to fall off the planet in a couple days"
  • Attempted to hold a reasonable conversation while a nearby television flashes network full frontal nudity
  • Scratched a stinky koala

LIST SEVEN: AUSTRALIAN BEER

Australian beer brands sampled, and ranked (from best to worst):
  • James T Squire
  • Cooper's
  • Carlton Draught
  • Pure Blonde
  • Vic Bitter

Noticably absent:
  • Fosters

LIST EIGHT: BFFs

People I miss now that I've returned home:
  • Chris
  • Dominica
  • Hugh
Note: not necessarily in that order

3 comments:

Dominica said...

Australia does miss you!

raph said...

Great, now you made me want to go even more!

As an aside, I earnestly believed that no coffee could be worse than in the States ;)

-raph

Chris said...

I BETTER BE HIGHER THAN HUGH ON THAT LIST!